Creating the vibe

If you’re one of those women who frequently ask out men, and on a confidence scale of 1 to Beyonce, you’re Kanye, then this is not a blog post for you.

I’ve read The Rules, He’s Not that Into You, and every Seventeen magazine from 1995-1999. In summary, when it comes to the first date, he must do the asking. I have adhered to this rule my entire dating life.

When I started online dating, I treated this no differently than “real life” dating. I cruised until I found someone I liked, ignored him, expected some light mind-reading, and waited for him to ask me out.

I impatiently saw the growing list of visits to my profile, “likes”, and mutual matches across all of my dating apps, as maybe 1% would ask me out on a date. The men that were actually messaging me could barely put two sentences together (as evident by their lack of use of punctuation) or had Asian fetishes.

I decided one Friday night, that something had to change. Why were they matching with me and visiting my profile multiple times in a day but not saying anything?!  I was not getting asked out by the men whom I wanted to ask me out, yet there they were….virtually hinting that they were interested.

So I reviewed my mutual matches, narrowed down the most attractive, then down to a 3 mile radius. I messaged one. After some small talk about classic cult comedies (I dunno, boys like that stuff), I asked him out for a drink.  He said yes! We shut the bar down and now we’re on date 4.

Online dating is non-traditional so its time to drop some of the dated ideas we have about it. Ask him out for the first date, offer to pay for your half, show up at his house the next morning with a cup of coffee and the new kitten you’ll co-parent. I’m only kidding about ONE of those suggestions.

If you don’t go get the first date…you’ll never get date #3, 4, 5, 6. When it comes to online dating who cares who initiates the first one? Grab the first, let him get the second.

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