“I’m not here for just a hook-up”

Oh really? Did you just suggest you’re on Tinder for a seafood dinner? Either you’re lying or completely delusional. If we could take snapshots of what we look like while we are actually on Tinder, 90% of them would be people sitting on toilets. Why? Because this is a ego boosting game to see how many people would consider having sex with you. File this under “Games” in your iPhone next to Candy Crush because this is NOT a dating app.

But, “Ilina, my sister’s friend’s cousin has been with her Tinder match for 8 months”. I once literally slipped on a banana peel in a parking lot. Has it happened since? No. These are exceptions to reality. Don’t count on it happening.

In the future, if a child tells you that his parents met on Tinder, just assume he was a “surprise”.

My friend Kat once said, “Girls just wanna have fun until boys just wanna have fun. Then girls just wanna be serious.” Wouldn’t it be great if we could just get on the same page? Our purposes for swiping right or left vary greatly and set the stage for some serious disappointment.

My point is, let’s start getting real with why we’re doing this. Admit that we’re trolling the internet for butt. If you truly wanted something serious you’d be on eVow trolling the internet for a SPOUSE.

I wonder if the sheer volume of profiles and matches out there make us quicker to dismiss lack of chemistry. We are a swipe away from someone we actually could have a connection with (sexual at the very least). In the old days, did we all give each other a chance, not knowing when the next love interest would be? I remember when I met my ex, none of this shit was around. If I wanted to date other people, that would be work. I’d have to put on an outfit (like, with heels and pants) and put out the vibe at a bar. Now? I can swipe in the dim lighting of my apartment with no pants on.

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